I’m Tired of the Left

I’m tired of the liberal blogosphere’s bickering, so I’ve decided to become a conservative. Obviously, as Ann Althouse has taught us, the most important skill for a conservative is bullshit analysis that can be used against liberals. I invite every conservative reader to judge my quality of bullshit here.

There was a party yesterday for a blogger who’d just published a book, and among the attendees were the following bloggers:

This photo begs for serious intellectual analysis leading to the conclusion that Jill, Jessica, Vanessa, Samhita, and Lindsay are evil, stupid, or both. Without further ado:

- Everyone knows that feminists are all middle-class white women. The inclusion of a South Asian token obviously means they’re trying to lie to people that they’re not.

- Jill and Samhita are dressed, how should I put it, not conservatively. Clearly, they’re flirting with the audience.

- Jessica’s boobs don’t show so much, which indicates she’s pretending not to be a slut after she was caught posing at the Clinton lunch. Fortunately, we good conservatives know her true colors.

- Lindsay’s wearing glasses. She never wears glasses in photos; the fact that she’s wearing them this time means she’s trying to look more intellectual, or less worried about how she looks. She’s staging both perfectly, obviously. Only a brainwashed moonbat would believe she’s really an intellectual.

- Vanessa’s shirt is not completely buttoned. Serious people button up, or maybe leave one button undone; what we have here is prime evidence that Vanessa’s a slob.

- Jessica and Vanessa are hugging affectionately and smiling, which means they’re literally incestuous. Have you seen normal sisters who hug that way on camera? Me neither.