Carnival of the Godless: You’re Going to Hell Edition

I want to tell everyone that I’ve found religion and realized that God exists. I’m not sure which God I believe in – the God my great great grandparents worshipped, the God that inspires people who bomb abortion clinics, or the God that inspires people who fly planes into buildings – but I know one exists and anyone who doesn’t believe is going to Hell.

Indeed, kindred spirit Jon Swift notes that the values of polytheistic heathen Gandhi are inimical to American values. Jesus implores people to uproot the noxious weed of logic and accepts that life begins at conception and ends at birth. And Buford Twain correctly recognizes that being religious is easier than being an infidel; doesn’t that immediately settle the discussion in God’s favor?

Maya notes how Godless liberalism is all around her: not only does the left believe in such lies as evolution and women’s rights, but also the right ignores God’s commandments to bathe after having sex, to bask in bashing babies against rocks, and of course to love one’s neighbor as one does oneself.

Dikkii correctly notes that Dawkins is overzealous and too harsh on agnostics. The problem is that Dawkins is of course too harsh on everything. You don’t have to read Dikkii’s post to know Dawkins is wrong – all you have to know is that he’s an atheist evolutionist.

It’s unfortunate that so many atheists think I’m one of them and spam me with their hatred. Of course, it’s always nice when they attack cults like Mormonism with its garments, or reproduce letters saying atheists should be thrown out of the US, or realize that God doesn’t subscribe to liberal doctrines like proportional response, or criticize religious liberals for having no intellectual leg to stand on.

But seriously, why send me all that hate literature? Do you think just because you can write secular poetry God will spare you? Do you think just making fun of the perfectly cogent argument that believing in God isn’t like believing in Santa Claus because nobody over the age of five believes in Santa Claus is substitute for accepting His authority (God’s, not Santa’s)?

Skeptico’s exploration of the acquittal of the cartoon editor who printed cartoons making fun of Muhammad stumps me; as I’m not sure whether it’s more enjoyable to bomb abortion clinics (motto: we kill the fetus without expensive medical instruments) or fly planes into buildings (motto: we fly packages straight to the office), I’m not sure whether I should rejoice that the courts permit caricaturing people of the wrong skin color and religion or be mad that blasphemers aren’t stoned.

But Mark Dominus’s complaint that the Bible gets the value of pi wrong is certainly off target. Like the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and Wikipedia, the Bible is always right; whenever it conflicts with reality, reality is in error.

The same applies to John Wesley’s apologetics for sinning on the grounds that it’s a natural consequence of human civilization. Sean Prophet’s attempt to reconstruct the tree of knowledge by appealing to Godless science and some magic concerning citations in peer-reviewed papers is even more offensive to God’s creation.

As usual, there are the evolutionists who think they’re cleverer than God. Jared thinks merely pointing to scientific evidence for evolution is enough, as if God can’t change the laws of science at His whim. Biotunes goes as far as calling atheism the next evolutionary step for humans. And Jeremy Bruno dares make fun of a perfectly legitimate argument that God exists because the vanilla bee and vanilla orchid were created for each other.

Yet other people pretend to be serious intellectuals. GrrlScientist positively reviews God: The Failed Hypothesis, under the pretense that it’s possible to scientifically test God. A Load of Bright rants about how it’s bad for people to share their most intimate thoughts with God, who is omnibenevolent. Vjack says that Dawkins and Harris are very far from being atheist extremists. Rastaban makes five different arguments why God can’t exist, forgetting that the Lord works in mysterious ways knowable only to those who already believe.

And some people just want to insult us God-fearing folk. Aaron Ross Powell says atheism gives a higher value to life than religion does, which is just an outrage. AustinAtheist tries saying it’s bad for Christians to dialogue with one another. Hemant wants to desecrate the Gideon Bible. And Eight Hour Lunch says religion causes harm. If that’s notoffensive, I don’t know what is.

Finally, Stentor deserves to be commended for not spamming my inbox with anti-theistic graffiti. But he’s still going to go to Hell for saying that God brought Baal worship on Himself by instilling fear in His subjects.

Repent before it’s too late. The ludicrosity of what atheists say is self evident. If this doesn’t convince you, wait for two more weeks for the next Carnival of the Godless, to be posted on the heathen blog Neural Gourmet.

51 Responses to Carnival of the Godless: You’re Going to Hell Edition

  1. [...] Carnival alert The 63rd Carnival of the Godless, including my article What free thought means to God, is now available at Abstract Nonsense. [...]

    • joe says:

      i been looking for god to but gave-up tell me where did you find him, in the sky,in the ground,in the water. in your brain. my self i think that this god thing is a accumulation of a lot of dreams from a lot of dreaming brains that are supernatural fix for if there is something wrong. that said, you keep your dream world, in reality there is no god. but keep on dreaming

  2. [...] new Carnival of the Godless is at Abstract Nonsense. Go check it out! Technorati Tags: atheist, atheism, Carnival of the Godless, Abstract Nonsense [...]

  3. [...] Just ask Alon, current host of the Carnival of the Godless. [...]

  4. [...] April 2nd, 2007 at 6:07 pm (Skepticality, Atheism, Religion) The latest Carnival of the Godless has been posted at Abstract Nonsense. [...]

  5. [...] It’s finally up! I didn’t get in this time but hopefully, soon I will. Go have a good read of the delightful new CotG at Abstract Nonsense. [...]

  6. EasyFlower says:

    ooo, that’s so hard to understand. I prefer being agnostic.

  7. TR says:

    This is a good analysis – a very timely. In my most recent post, “Going to Hell?”, I respoded to a reader who was skeptical about the existent of hell altogether. I tried to shape a response that was both Biblical and pastoral. I would like to know what you think.

  8. alsop says:

    “I know one exists and anyone who doesn’t believe is going to Hell.” Hmm. Now *there’s* a God I can look up to. The “Love me or suffer in Hell for eternity” God.

    Whatever happened to the God of Love, I wonder.

  9. Stephen says:

    I’m pretty safe with Last Thursdayism. This is, of course, the belief that the Universe was created pretty much as it is, last Thursday. So, my god, which we’ll call God, created the Universe Last Thursday. So, i never went to school, and all that, because i just remember having done that before Last Thursday. And God created the Hubble Space Telescope, and wrote all those papers, and fossils, and stuff. But it really makes sense. God is lazy. It’s *MUCH* easier, and has better instant gratification, to create a Universe that is two light weeks in diameters. Sure, you gotta point the photons at the edge just right, and all, the get the idea of a bigger Universe across. But it’s not like creating a Universe that is over 45 billion light years in diameter, and you don’t have to wait over ten billion years for interesting stuff to start happening. And, i don’t have to worry about mistakes i made last week. Clearly, that wasn’t me. It’s not my fault.

  10. [...] Carnival of the Godless: You’re Going to Hell Edition I want to tell everyone that I’ve found religion and realized that God exists. I’m not sure which God I […] [...]

  11. blessed1 says:

    Interesting post. I’m glad you believe in a god…that’s a start. I’m sorry you’ve received hate mail….is wasn’t from me. My God is definitely a jealous one…which doesn’t leave much room for pluralism. Christ point blank said, “Whosoever should believeth in me–shall have everlasting life.”
    Thanks for posting this…

  12. magia3e says:

    Very cool.

    It’s good to meet another person who can think and write about the nature of the Divine. Keep on blogging.

    Welcome to the club.

    M

  13. Bruce says:

    blessed1 is really cute. Really. Cute.

    What bothers me is that the Gospel of Charmin has not been taken into account. That Gospel teaches that God loves both crabgrass and beetles, both of which he created in abundance and tend to do well when well-supplied with manure. God does not in fact love us, but tolerates us most of the time because we reliably fulfill the divine mission: to turn bacon double cheeseburgers, milkshakes and Doritos into human waste which benefits God’s Chosen Creatures. The whole purpose of the human brain is to find new ways to create both more manure units and a greater radius of land on which the manure will be spread. Same purpose for sex and children: to produce more units and net production. He loves small children; they generally fulfill the divine commandment without resistance or delay.

    God views us the same way a subsistence farmer views a horse, only with less affection. He tolerates the Bible, religious wars, etc., only because the supply and distribution of human waste has never been seriously threatened. Charminarians are here to spread the Gospel; please do your part.

  14. [...] Carnival of the Godless: You’re Going to Hell Edition « Abstract Nonsense I love this … with a bizarre achey passion. (tags: Atheism blogging internet) [...]

  15. [...] The Carnival of the Godless at Abstract [...]

  16. [...] me recommend the Carnival of the Godless, hosted this month by Abstract [...]

  17. redsoxfn says:

    You say that God does not love you? Trust me he does… If he didn’t do you think you would be here for being an athiest? God does not send you to hell, you send yourself to hell. You have a choice, it’s whether you accept his son (Jesus Christ) or follow Satan and his angels. Of course you know the consequences…

  18. bscrit says:

    What is with this post? It’s a prolix rant with little focus and even less in regards to substantial ideas. I liked it better when you decided to be an ex-blogger. At least you ended on a relatively high note…

  19. Regex says:

    Good post.

    (To the rest of you, he’s being sarcastic.)

  20. David Smith says:

    ya well, i still dont believe in God. Good try though. But the whole fact of blind faith, fear of god thing doesnt get to me.

  21. Odile says:

    I’m a believer. It would have been funny to laugh at our own illogics were it not that we take ourselves damn too serious at times.

  22. Rev Jimmy says:

    How about the God that inspires us to work for civil rights, oppose injustice, work for peace and encourage adoptions?

    Of course, that involves work and commitment…its a lot easier just to talk about how you hate religion, or immigrants, or Jews, or Blacks, or creationists, or whoever.

  23. funfacts says:

    I was searching for this kind of a blog for months now. Actually lost the hope of finding one, but here i am :) Thanks for the great articles! Looking forward for a little read after dinner :)

  24. Navtej Kohli says:

    I stumbled your blog last week and came back again to read it further. I am believer and I appreciate your write up about the nature of divine…. hope to read more from you… thanks

  25. Bud says:

    Two of my co-workers are dedicated (opps! root indicates “baptism related consecration) Atheists. When the one that uses the term “Oh My God!!!!”, I decided to include, in my repertoire of profanity, “Oh My Allah!”, I was reprimanded!! I’m not allowed to offend the muslim, but am free to offend the “christian”.

    Outside of the obvious sarcasm on this page, is there any website when one can discuss the ideas (plural) of how existence came into existence, without the usual Blog-rage? Thanks, one and all.

  26. Timray says:

    I well remember my own conversion from atheism. It was after i spent a morning chat with a physicist from Cambridge on another problem he had. We began the chat with the science against a creator and ended the conversation on that subject. It was on a casual walk later that morning, waiting to cross the street my mind turned a 180 and everything made sense in a case for a creator. I have been to quite a few churches and still go with friends to their churches. I have had changes in my life i can point to as a result of putting a Creator in my life….although i still struggle with the concept of Jesus as the Son of God. As a hospital trained chaplain i have learned to rise above religion and address issues of the departing…..and i am grateful to serve. What a life i would have missed without a Creator! I can be with believers or non-believers or other faiths simply by listening, being with, praying with them. I am not saying a non-believer cannot perform the same but i know my conversion has given my life a depth it never had before…..enjoy your path…..it is meant to be enjoyable….it is meant to free you of judgemental thoughts

  27. Daniel says:

    To the people who think he’s being serious, grow a brain. It’s painfully obviously he’s mocking Christians, but I suppose many of you are too uneducated to realize that.

  28. SEO says:

    Конкурс для блоггеров от DRUGREVENUE с призовым фондом в 3000 долларов, спешите

  29. Disco says:

    Автор как всегда написал все понятно :)

  30. Doctor says:

    Мог бы долго с вами спорить на эту тему :)

  31. A Gambler says:

    Ololo! I like what is written here!!

  32. Voli Dublino says:

    Vеll, nоt pеrfесt post, but I liked it аnd that is the mаin thing. ;)
    I am Voli Dublino

  33. Josh Wescott says:

    wow man you really need to get your head on straight. Religion does hurt soceity look at all the people that have been killed because of disagreements in religion. I’m persionally an athiest and this ticks me off i dont have anything against any religoin i just dont like it when people say i should believe a certain thing and if i dont i’m going to hell. Looks at the facts man evolution did happen

  34. Marinkina says:

    Пора переименовать блог, присвоив название связанное с доменами :) может хватит про них?

  35. Gavrilin says:

    Пора переименовать блог, присвоив название связанное с доменами :) может хватит про них?

  36. Cederash says:

    Интересно сделано. Почти за душу берёт, заставляет смеяться над остальной блогосферой. Но несовсем полно тема обозрена. Где об этом почитать подробно?

  37. Avertedd says:

    Красавчег! Пиши исчё!

  38. [...] yet:  As the (not so godless?) Alon says in a subsequent comment, “Ron Coleman, you’re the first person I see use the [...]

  39. GeorgeRic says:

    Christianity is the reasonable choice.

    Seekers of Truth: Using the logic of science, we check phenomena to see if they are explained by theory. If many phenomena can be explained, we then hold that theory to be true.

    Edwin Abbott, writing his book ‘Flatland’ to humorously explain contiguous dimensional worlds, shows us a logical explanation for worlds superior to ours. ‘Techie Worlds’ uses the Flatland Concept to examine far-out Christian teachings such as Trinity, soul, Resurrection, Judgment, etc. While quite ridiculous from a ‘material world only’ view, these teachings make rational good sense in the Flatland context.

    Mankind has long been plagued with reports of the spirit world: miracles, ghosts, possession, pagan gods, witchcraft, occult, devil worship, black masses. Materialists classify all such as superstition and overactive imaginings. Christians shy from such, holding them unnatural as Jesus taught. But the materialist position involves an act of faith that ‘the material world is all that there is’. Their act of faith cannot be proved. Certainly, science cannot possibly experiment with the spirit world. Techie Worlds’ (available from http://www.amazon.com) shows the belief in higher worlds, also an act of faith, is logical and considered, and shows these strange Christian concepts to be logically possible.

    Pascal’s Wager points out that the Christian act of faith urges us to a better life in this world and can result in great rewards in the next. The unbelieving view permits selfish misanthropic behavior now and denies all future eternal rewards. Clearly, rational self-interest makes belief in a logical, rational, rewarding Christianity to be the wise and intelligent choice.

    GeorgeRic

  40. [...] yet: As the (not so godless?) Alon says in a subsequent comment, “Ron Coleman, you’re the first person I see use the [...]

  41. Man there are some haters in here. Guys, take it easy!

  42. I still believe in god, but god no longer believes in me… but then we might wake up one day and find this all was just a giant lie.. or maybe we don’t wake up at all…

  43. Pakistan says:

    Every thing about Pakistan beautiful lakes and valleys and list of all cities and mountain series and glaciers. The history, culture and traditions according to the Islam. Tourism in Travel

  44. Thanks for making such a cool post which is really very well written.will be referring a lot of friends about this.

  45. […] Carnival of the Godless: You’re Going to Hell Edition I want to tell everyone that I’ve found religion and realized that God exists. I’m not sure which God I believe in – the God my great great grandparents worshipped, the God that inspires people who bomb abortion clinics, or the God that inspires people who fly planes into buildings – but I know one […] I’m Now Officially an Ex-Blogger I wanted to wait a day or two with this to avoid being in the embarrassing situation of posting a serious post right after announcing my exit. But I’m dropping off the blogosphere, entirely. I’ll keep reading a few blogs, comprising a subset of my current blogroll, but I’ll probably not comment except by email, […] Lived Experience Lynet‘s point about the difference between different applications of lived experience is strong enough to require me to clarify my general anti-anecdote position. To summarize the original bone of contention, I said just taking women’s (and minorities’) word for it whenever they say something offends them is akin to taking pro-Israeli Jewss whenever they say […] Niche Blogging The blog advice posts tend to emphasize the need for a niche, a specialty. Katie talked to me for over an hour trying to convince me to just find one and blog about it. The problem is, I’m not into that kind of thing at all. Or, rather, I could be, but I’d have to […] Priorities Meme This is something I’ve been intending to do for a while. It goes back to a discussion thread here about political quizzes; I’m genuinely interested in looking at people’s political views. A big part of it is priorities, which is what I want to start with at this time. Simply put, what political issues do […] […]

  46. […] Carnival of the Godless is now available for your reading pleasure. This is the long-awaited "You're Going to Hell" […]

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