Ann Coulter Facts

There are Chuck Norris facts, and spinoffs about Bruce Schneier and Stephen Colbert. So by the same logic there should be facts about Ann Coulter.

If you take six sentences Ann Coulter said, you’ll need someone like Cardinal Richelieu to find a single truth in them.

When the Catholic Church almost became liberal in the 1960s, Ann Coulter said that someone needed to kill God. When it became conservative in the late 1970s, she explained it was just a joke.

The best way to make Ann Coulter support an abortion is to tell her the fetus is a liberal.

The hardest question for Ann Coulter to answer is “Is it day or night?”. Regardless of how she answers, it’ll be true in some part of the world.

Ann Coulter auditioned to be a star on Hollywood Squares. She failed because the contestants knew she always bluffed.

Ann Coulter took an IQ test, and got a very good score. The test consisted entirely of true/false questions, and she always answered the opposite of what she thought was right.

To Ann Coulter, the ideal American is a white male fetus. Born people know too much about reality.

The greatest debate Ann Coulter’s had with herself is whether a Muslim can become good by converting to Christianity.

Ann Coulter wrote an erroneous 2-page proof of the PoincarĂ© Conjecture. When a mathematician explained to her why she was wrong, she wrote that he’s just a liberal who wanted a Russian to get credit for the proof, and said he should be killed.

Ann Coulter has two modes of speech: lie, and incite.

There is no truth. There is only the opposite of what Ann Coulter has said.

In a previous life, the Nazis rejected Ann Coulter’s application for a propagandist position because Leni Riefenstahl was a better filmmaker. This is why she calls the Nazis liberals.

In 4th grade, a classmate of Ann Coulter’s didn’t celebrate Christmas. Ann Coulter then told the class bully to murder him; when he did, she avoided being expelled from school by telling the principal that she had just been joking.

In 5th grade, another classmate of Ann Coulter’s said, “It’s preposterous to claim whites are inferior to blacks.” She quoted him all over school as saying “Whites are inferior to blacks,” and got another school bully to murder him.

In 6th grade, a band of bullies tried beating Ann Coulter. She told them what she thought about science, liberals, civil rights, and religion. They left her alone because it’s bad form to hit people who wear glasses, need wheelchairs, or are insane.

Martin Luther and John Calvin said Copernicus was a heretic after seeing a vision of Ann Coulter’s spirit.

The Catholic Church has a hidden document saying that after Ann Coulter dies, it’s to beatify her and make her the patron saint of the auto-de-fe.

Ann Coulter supports the death penalty for people who fail to say “Merry Christmas” at least 10 times on December 25th.

Psychologists use the Coulter as the unit of measurement of lies a person tells per unit of time. The Coulter, or in short c, is the average of Coulter’s book, which is impossible for anyone to reach just like it’s impossible for anyone to reach the speed of light.

To reach the level of knowledge of Ann Coulter, ordinary people need to read a negative number of books every year.

Every time you masturbate, Ann Coulter lies. There’s no causal connection – that’s just how often she lies.
There are two kinds of liberal politicians in the United States: those nobody has heard of, and those Ann Coulter has slandered.

Ann Coulter prays to God every night to destroy San Francisco in an earthquake.

Ann Coulter doesn’t eat. She runs on the mental energy of liberals who die.

7 Responses to Ann Coulter Facts

  1. SLC says:

    The problem most people have relative to Ms. (?) Coulter is that they think she (?) believes most of the crap that comes out of her (?) mouth. People who know her (?) claim that, in fact, she (?) says things for the purpose of getting publicity and selling books and believes barely a word of it. We call her (?) the carpenters friend, flat as a board.

  2. whig says:

    You must masturbate a whole lot.

  3. SLC says:

    Re Whig

    I have to say that Mr. Whigs’ comment doesnt seem to relate to either Mr. Levys’ comment or my response.

  4. Katie Kish says:

    SLC – I’ve always wondered that. (that she plays up the anti-liberal bitch shit.) I saw an interview where they asked her if she just does it for the publicity – she obviously said no, however… truth has never really been her strong point, only looking like a heroin addict.

    I must say, I too see no relation with whig’s comment.

  5. whig says:

    SLC, Alon wrote, “Every time you masturbate, Ann Coulter lies.”

    She lies a lot.

  6. mtraven says:

    My brother knows her and supplied some of the material for her latest horror of a book. He is a sincere right-wing loon, and as far as I can ascertain she is as well.

  7. whig says:

    mtraven, I understand she used to be a deadhead.

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